TAGteacher Tale: Stranger on the Train - A Tale of Compassion (Part 2)

Here is part 2 of Mara Windstar's tagging session with a stranger she met on the train - pretty racy stuff!

If you missed part 1 click here.

By Mara Windstar

This morning (Monday June 3, 2013) was the second TAGteach session with my new friend, for the process of learning ways in which he can get his needs met when traveling on the MAX train. This goal includes asking for a place to sit if there are no seats available.

Today's session was focused on him identifying how he might ask for a seat in a way that would be comfortable and natural for him. From my experience, this can be very difficult to come up with out of the blue for quite a few people. The TAGteach approach I took was different than I had done before.

Choosing the Tag Point

He decided what the tag point would be, and he would be the one to tag me verbalizing various requests for asking if I could have a seat.

He identified the tag point as: what I'm hearing is what I could say. (his interpretation was "that one!")

My goal was for him to be looking for how he wanted to express himself, as opposed to thinking "I would never say that!"

After 12 tags, he had a couple of key words that he could start with.

These included variations of...

Keywords that would work form him: anyone, offer, safety/prevent.

"is there anyone that could offer their seat for me please, to prevent a fall?"

"Thank you!!"

He was very excited about this. The key factor that he found working for him was "anyone". Asking a particular person felt very rejecting to him if it didn't work, and could easily trigger a response similar to the one that preceded our working on this. Also, eye contact can be very difficult, so he could pan a bit to look at people vs. eye contact with one specific person.

Practicing in a Real-Life Situation

Sequence 1

We met again this morning and boarded and exited the MAX numerous times. Our sequence went as follows:

1. Mara's chair parked in wheelchair location and Mara sitting on the aisle side seat in front of her chair.

2. Person asks if anyone could offer a seat, I responded confirming I could do that, and I moved into my chair.

3. Person thanked me for the offer.

4. We did this with the 2 configurations within the area for seniors and people with disabilities.


Sequences 2-4

Sequence 2, 3 and 4. with person boarding at different MAX train stops.

1. Mara seated in powerchair in designated area.

2. Person enters and asks "Could anyone please offer their seat for my needs?"

3. someone offered. and stood up

4. Person Thanked them for allowing him to prevent a fall!

Sequence 5

1. Mara seated in powerchair in designated area.

2. Person enters and goes to an area that is not in the accessible designated area and asks "Could anyone please offer their seat so I don't fall?)

3. someone offered. and stood up

4. Person Thanked them for allowing him to prevent a fall!

Going Solo

We made our way several miles and back. He feels he is ready to solo and is going to let me know how it goes. He also commented that he spoke to a person on the train on the last ride, which I also saw from a distance. He's never spoken to anyone on the train before, he's just been too uncomfortable!

These are exactly the kind of things that have been helpful for me to bridge outside of myself in conversations that I otherwise worried about.

Confidence really breaks down barriers... within ourselves.

Every day a new experience.

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TAGteacher Tale: Stranger on the Train - A Tale of Compassion (Part 1)

This post is from Mara Windstar, who despite her own challenges, went to the effort of helping a complete stranger. You are awesome Mara!

Mara and Dixie the Service Dog

By Mara Windstar

Yesterday I was headed home after a great acupuncture treatment, and waiting for the transit train. It was the start of Friday night rush hour, so to say the train was crowded was an understatement. I entered the train in my power wheelchair followed by a young man who was walking. I've seen him numerous times, but never spoken with him as we have not sat close enough to one another to converse.

As I squeezed on with my monster chair he moved forward and asked a young woman if he could please sit down. The teen replied in a loud voice "you ain't no senior or disabled. And I ain't movin! I paid for this seat!"

I've observed in the past that the gentleman (early 20's in age possibly) has a difficult time standing and balancing on a moving train. He said nothing else, and was hanging onto a pole precariously. It was obvious that he really needed to sit down, but I knew he would not ask again nor ask any one else. This was a safety issue, and people were just staring at him.

I started to move my chair a little bit back and forth. A person on the opposite side of the aisle asked if I would like the wheelchair spot and I said yes and thanked him very much. I mentioned I was worried about safety and knew that spot was safer for everyone.

At the next stop, I asked the young man who had asked to sit down, if he could help me pull the seat down in front of me so more people could sit. He did so, and I invited him to sit down. He smiled, sat down and said thank you in a very quiet voice all without eye contact. I then transferred out of my powerchair and sat next to him. We started a conversation about a completely different topic from what had just occurred. The teen girl was fuming and cursing, "oh sure, you people all gotta stick together. That is so unfair! You don't even need that damn chair lady!"

"As a matter of fact I do, and it is not safe for me to transfer out of my chair on the train, any more than it is for my friend to stand while the train is moving. Since no one else offered a seat, I did. It's about safety. And I want you to know that if it wasn't safe for you, I would have found a seat for you also!"

I immediately went back to the conversation with the young man next to me, because I could sense we had some similarities in that he probably would just get off to avoid the discomfort of the situation.

We get off at the same stop, so I asked if he had a few more minutes to talk. Needless to say the conversation was far longer than a few minutes.

We talked about how hard it is to get our needs met when we have low self esteem, are ashamed of ourselves, or otherwise feel unworthy. We had more in common than he knew, that's for sure.

Before I knew it, we were mapping out what he'd like to be able to do in this type of situation, and how that might be possible.

We built an ongoing TAG plan for figuring how riding the train, and getting his needs met for safety could happen.

His goal is to secure a safe place to sit on public transportation, free from feelings of guilt.

To build confidence first, we are back chaining from the appreciation of having successfully secured a seat.

Our first session is completed.

The tag point was... "Thank you!"

Tomorrow is our next session and we are setting out to complete 2 more steps in the plan.

Stay tuned for part 2!

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